lil something from the brand i rep 100 Styles and Running (www.100styles.com) Enjoy! and tell me what you like.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Nike Air Royal Mid "workboot"
Nike has been throwing up quite a few bricks lately but this shoe in black and brown is pretty cool.
snagged these little gems from Hypebeast, this is a dope shoe that i will have as soon as i get the release info, nothing concrete now but these are a smooth pick up for the guy (or girl) that likes shoes and may not be into the crazy colors that are very prevalent these days.
snagged these little gems from Hypebeast, this is a dope shoe that i will have as soon as i get the release info, nothing concrete now but these are a smooth pick up for the guy (or girl) that likes shoes and may not be into the crazy colors that are very prevalent these days.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Things to think on
I found this quote while cleaning my apartment and i thought i would share
Allah tries his chosen people through many hardships, but those who persevere through adversity, surrendering themselves before the will of Allah, shall be blessed with a superb reward.
-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Amas bin Malik
I don't care what religion you adhere to or what you call your God, that quote is transcendent. How i came across that particular quote is very simple, it was on the back of bookmarks my family had made for my bros funeral. A lot of the quotes I'll be honest i have never read until recently and they really are having an impact on my life as of now.
My take is, in life you aren't thrown anything you cant handle. So, take it in stride, learn from it, and continue to live life in the best possible way you can
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
today is the second of june
had to post today of all days.
had the strangest dream today, i just woke up from it, all i can remember is me packing up my desk looking at it one last time and walking out of this building, i suppose it was my job, but it looked nothing like the building i work in now. strange huh? I think it means something, because also in the dream i ran into someone i obviously knew but not from my reality just in the dream and he was upset that i was leaving the job and was saying, "what are you going to do now?" i replied with, "something i love" or something like that.....hmm i dont know what it means either but it energized me waking up today, on my birthday of all days.
Mike i love you and i know you are somewhere watching all of us, im half of me without you and on this anniversary of our 27th year of existence im alone on this planet. Yes i am surrounded by friends and family but you were the closest to me and i feel the loss of your presence every day. i have no regrets on the relationship we had i just wish we would have had more time together, i try to live every day of my life to the fullest with no second thoughts because you have taught me that life is short. Bro, i love you and Happy Birthday
had the strangest dream today, i just woke up from it, all i can remember is me packing up my desk looking at it one last time and walking out of this building, i suppose it was my job, but it looked nothing like the building i work in now. strange huh? I think it means something, because also in the dream i ran into someone i obviously knew but not from my reality just in the dream and he was upset that i was leaving the job and was saying, "what are you going to do now?" i replied with, "something i love" or something like that.....hmm i dont know what it means either but it energized me waking up today, on my birthday of all days.
Mike i love you and i know you are somewhere watching all of us, im half of me without you and on this anniversary of our 27th year of existence im alone on this planet. Yes i am surrounded by friends and family but you were the closest to me and i feel the loss of your presence every day. i have no regrets on the relationship we had i just wish we would have had more time together, i try to live every day of my life to the fullest with no second thoughts because you have taught me that life is short. Bro, i love you and Happy Birthday
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Dealing with Death part 2
Again i say, this is my therapy, hence the title of my blog second of June, that is our birthday.
My Twin brothers funeral was the hardest day of my life. That entire day was just a fog, i couldn't tell you the names of 10 people i met that day who had come out to pay their respect to our family on our first of many days of sadness.
I didn't want to ride in the limo, I got my buddy tony to drive me in my brothers brand New Subaru WRX STi. that was his dream car and he got it a couple of weeks after our 24th birthday and i figured it was fitting to come there in that because he had worked so hard to get that car.
Arriving at the funeral home my breath was taken away, there were so many people, i stayed outside because the wake was open casket and i did NOT want to see my brother like that, i had a great last memory of him and i didn't want to lose that in looking at him laid in a coffin.
I remember feeling good when we got there because it was SO crowded, i mean PACKED! it was weird because i knew that in one way or another he had touched all of their lives enough for them to come out and support my family on what had become the worst week of all of our lives. I tried to sit with my family, honestly i did, i walked in and started walking to the front. my dad stood and i saw something Id never seen in my life...tears in his eyes and he hugged me. i swear the room started spinning and i couldn't do it, i almost ran back out of the funeral home it hurt so bad to see the man i admired most with tears in his eyes. A pillar of strength and direction brought to tears. I know that was normal i just wasn't ready for it. i got back into the funeral home but i stood, in the back with a bunch of my lifelong friends. I felt as if they were literally holding me up, my soul was jello.
Much of the funeral i don't remember because my mind was in a fog, i kept thinking that maybe this was a bad joke God was playing on me because i had lost my other brother (Murad) in 8th grade and now at 24 i was losing my twin.
when we got to the cemetery there is one image that i know will be with me for the rest of my life...the image of my little brother then 8 years old, crying his eyes out as the casket lowered, it hurt, still hurts, and always will. I am actually really happy about the relationship I had with my brother, we had plans, we were just getting started into our adulthood together and i know we would have done something together. Its all what ifs now and i know that no one else had the bond with me that he did, even though i have some of the best friends in the world its not the same.
I miss my brother so much and its going on three years, people always say time heals wounds, and I'm always thankful for their well wishes but that's bullshit. I still feel as raw as i did on September 13th, the day after he died.
My Twin brothers funeral was the hardest day of my life. That entire day was just a fog, i couldn't tell you the names of 10 people i met that day who had come out to pay their respect to our family on our first of many days of sadness.
I didn't want to ride in the limo, I got my buddy tony to drive me in my brothers brand New Subaru WRX STi. that was his dream car and he got it a couple of weeks after our 24th birthday and i figured it was fitting to come there in that because he had worked so hard to get that car.
Arriving at the funeral home my breath was taken away, there were so many people, i stayed outside because the wake was open casket and i did NOT want to see my brother like that, i had a great last memory of him and i didn't want to lose that in looking at him laid in a coffin.
I remember feeling good when we got there because it was SO crowded, i mean PACKED! it was weird because i knew that in one way or another he had touched all of their lives enough for them to come out and support my family on what had become the worst week of all of our lives. I tried to sit with my family, honestly i did, i walked in and started walking to the front. my dad stood and i saw something Id never seen in my life...tears in his eyes and he hugged me. i swear the room started spinning and i couldn't do it, i almost ran back out of the funeral home it hurt so bad to see the man i admired most with tears in his eyes. A pillar of strength and direction brought to tears. I know that was normal i just wasn't ready for it. i got back into the funeral home but i stood, in the back with a bunch of my lifelong friends. I felt as if they were literally holding me up, my soul was jello.
Much of the funeral i don't remember because my mind was in a fog, i kept thinking that maybe this was a bad joke God was playing on me because i had lost my other brother (Murad) in 8th grade and now at 24 i was losing my twin.
when we got to the cemetery there is one image that i know will be with me for the rest of my life...the image of my little brother then 8 years old, crying his eyes out as the casket lowered, it hurt, still hurts, and always will. I am actually really happy about the relationship I had with my brother, we had plans, we were just getting started into our adulthood together and i know we would have done something together. Its all what ifs now and i know that no one else had the bond with me that he did, even though i have some of the best friends in the world its not the same.
I miss my brother so much and its going on three years, people always say time heals wounds, and I'm always thankful for their well wishes but that's bullshit. I still feel as raw as i did on September 13th, the day after he died.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Dealing with death
this is therapy for me, I'm still dealing every single day.
my twin brother passed in September of 2006, that was the worst day of my life. its weird how you see things after an event like that, people have been telling me since it happened that time heals wounds, and many other cliche statements like that but i say bullshit. I feel just as raw and hurt today as i did the day after we buried him.
my brother's name was Mike, and its funny how growing up with someone shapes how you are, me and my brother butted heads big time through our teens, but when we hit about 19, 20, i think we started to get it. we were like best friends, not the kind of best friends that talked constantly but we talked at least twice a day, silly stuff too, he would chirp me in the morning (nextel whaddup lol) and call me at night just to call me a fag or something (no disrespect to people who live an alternative lifestyle, its a black thing just leave it there). I really am at peace with the relationship that i had with my brother, and i am so happy that i was when he passed because a lot of days and nights would have been so much worse if that were not the case.
I still remember the day I got the call like it was yesterday, i was doing some mundane task at my previous job and i got a frantic phone call from mikes number, all i could hear was the siren in the back ground and someone he worked with saying he got hit and that they were on the way to the hospital, i RAN from my job to the blue line, down to the platform (I'm getting more and more tense as i write this because this is the first time I've recounted this story) and caught the train, ran to the red line from the blue and when i came up at 22ND i got a call from my mom who was calm and hysterical at the same time.
I kid you not when i hit 79th street i felt a burning hot pain in my chest and then it went away, i feel like that was the moment my brother died, I literally felt his part of me leaving, I ignored that feeling at first but later on i realized what that feeling was. I felt really weak immediately after, almost like i wanted to throw up, but i didn't, i got off the train and jumped in the car with my mother and we made our way to the Indiana hospital that my brother was dying in.
while we were driving i was preparing myself for the worst, i already got the feeling, i knew it wasn't right, i was feeling like if he was still alive it would be a miracle. We get to the hotel and they take us to this small room and i knew.....i sat on the floor cause i didn't want to fall to it. The doc comes in and tells us, the low moan from from mother was a sound that I've never heard. I went straight outside cause i knew that room was getting smaller but i guess it was me. My brother was dead and they did all they could to save him. they asked if we wanted to go back to see him just to get a last look, my mother did, i didn't.
I had a great memory of my brother from the day before, we hung out, drove to a mall cause my girl (still with the same one too) wanted to get her nails done, and we chilled. Fun day lots of laughs.
Now i knew i had to call my father and tell him that mike was gone, that was the hardest call i have ever had to make. My heard hurts right now thinking about my father being alone having to deal with that as he jumped on a plane to get from where he was to make it back to Chicago to deal with the duty of burying his 24 year old son. We were just getting started with life and his ended. Mike was a happy dude, fun to be around, and half of me.
Its still a raw, sore feeling almost 3 years later. I have created a lot of great memories but at the same time, i hate the distance that has grown between myself and my mother, even my relationship with my little bro isn't where i want it to be and i dont know the first thing to do to make it easier.
I'm pulled so thin with my family, see there used to be 2 of us to bounce everything around. and i hate feeling like "SHIT , i just want to be alone, because that's kinda selfish" I actually feel the worst for my mother, in some ways i thinks she feels like she lost both of her sons that day, one to death and the other to just growing up, ill be honest, i stayed home a full year longer than i wanted to just to be with my mom.
the next part of this is going to cover the day of his funeral. I hope i can get through it.
my twin brother passed in September of 2006, that was the worst day of my life. its weird how you see things after an event like that, people have been telling me since it happened that time heals wounds, and many other cliche statements like that but i say bullshit. I feel just as raw and hurt today as i did the day after we buried him.
my brother's name was Mike, and its funny how growing up with someone shapes how you are, me and my brother butted heads big time through our teens, but when we hit about 19, 20, i think we started to get it. we were like best friends, not the kind of best friends that talked constantly but we talked at least twice a day, silly stuff too, he would chirp me in the morning (nextel whaddup lol) and call me at night just to call me a fag or something (no disrespect to people who live an alternative lifestyle, its a black thing just leave it there). I really am at peace with the relationship that i had with my brother, and i am so happy that i was when he passed because a lot of days and nights would have been so much worse if that were not the case.
I still remember the day I got the call like it was yesterday, i was doing some mundane task at my previous job and i got a frantic phone call from mikes number, all i could hear was the siren in the back ground and someone he worked with saying he got hit and that they were on the way to the hospital, i RAN from my job to the blue line, down to the platform (I'm getting more and more tense as i write this because this is the first time I've recounted this story) and caught the train, ran to the red line from the blue and when i came up at 22ND i got a call from my mom who was calm and hysterical at the same time.
I kid you not when i hit 79th street i felt a burning hot pain in my chest and then it went away, i feel like that was the moment my brother died, I literally felt his part of me leaving, I ignored that feeling at first but later on i realized what that feeling was. I felt really weak immediately after, almost like i wanted to throw up, but i didn't, i got off the train and jumped in the car with my mother and we made our way to the Indiana hospital that my brother was dying in.
while we were driving i was preparing myself for the worst, i already got the feeling, i knew it wasn't right, i was feeling like if he was still alive it would be a miracle. We get to the hotel and they take us to this small room and i knew.....i sat on the floor cause i didn't want to fall to it. The doc comes in and tells us, the low moan from from mother was a sound that I've never heard. I went straight outside cause i knew that room was getting smaller but i guess it was me. My brother was dead and they did all they could to save him. they asked if we wanted to go back to see him just to get a last look, my mother did, i didn't.
I had a great memory of my brother from the day before, we hung out, drove to a mall cause my girl (still with the same one too) wanted to get her nails done, and we chilled. Fun day lots of laughs.
Now i knew i had to call my father and tell him that mike was gone, that was the hardest call i have ever had to make. My heard hurts right now thinking about my father being alone having to deal with that as he jumped on a plane to get from where he was to make it back to Chicago to deal with the duty of burying his 24 year old son. We were just getting started with life and his ended. Mike was a happy dude, fun to be around, and half of me.
Its still a raw, sore feeling almost 3 years later. I have created a lot of great memories but at the same time, i hate the distance that has grown between myself and my mother, even my relationship with my little bro isn't where i want it to be and i dont know the first thing to do to make it easier.
I'm pulled so thin with my family, see there used to be 2 of us to bounce everything around. and i hate feeling like "SHIT , i just want to be alone, because that's kinda selfish" I actually feel the worst for my mother, in some ways i thinks she feels like she lost both of her sons that day, one to death and the other to just growing up, ill be honest, i stayed home a full year longer than i wanted to just to be with my mom.
the next part of this is going to cover the day of his funeral. I hope i can get through it.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tattoos
So, I've FINALLY gotten started on my first tattoo, like many say, go big or go home and i went pretty big. I got a half sleeve Hibiscus flowers.
I have been on the fence about a tattoo since i was 21, and at 26 i started my first, i go back to get shading done in 2 weeks and am excited. I will post more pics as soon as its done.
Its funny how you learn new things about your friends when you get a tattoo thats different from the norm, I mean getting flowers (FLOWERS LOL) on your arm is definitely different but i wasn't going to go cliche and get praying hands or something like that, i think that a tatt should have significance, and this one definitely does. To expand on that i remember telling one of my female friends about it and her response was, "that sounds gay" I cracked up laughing, its funny how we are all so educated but when something is different than the norm, and in some ways thought of by society as feminine (flowers) the connotation is that it is gay. Am I gay? No, I think who one chooses to sleep with is their biz and i think that the perspective of people regardless of race, age, or sexuality is important, but let me get off the soap box, I was taken aback by that response but i let it go, not wanting to start a debate and most people don't give their real feelings when I tell them that something is related to my brother. But i left it alone, it really did and always will stick out in my mind.
yeah i know i need to work out lol
inner arm shot
another angle
So, I have gotten started, went and got my outlining done
ps i had to let the old blog reeseisms go becuase i wanted to take a different direction with my blogging, i figure this one will be much better and i will post everyday (word TO T!)
I have been on the fence about a tattoo since i was 21, and at 26 i started my first, i go back to get shading done in 2 weeks and am excited. I will post more pics as soon as its done.
Its funny how you learn new things about your friends when you get a tattoo thats different from the norm, I mean getting flowers (FLOWERS LOL) on your arm is definitely different but i wasn't going to go cliche and get praying hands or something like that, i think that a tatt should have significance, and this one definitely does. To expand on that i remember telling one of my female friends about it and her response was, "that sounds gay" I cracked up laughing, its funny how we are all so educated but when something is different than the norm, and in some ways thought of by society as feminine (flowers) the connotation is that it is gay. Am I gay? No, I think who one chooses to sleep with is their biz and i think that the perspective of people regardless of race, age, or sexuality is important, but let me get off the soap box, I was taken aback by that response but i let it go, not wanting to start a debate and most people don't give their real feelings when I tell them that something is related to my brother. But i left it alone, it really did and always will stick out in my mind.
yeah i know i need to work out lol
inner arm shot
another angle
So, I have gotten started, went and got my outlining done
ps i had to let the old blog reeseisms go becuase i wanted to take a different direction with my blogging, i figure this one will be much better and i will post everyday (word TO T!)
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